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Lately I have been pondering what I want my children to be like when they are adults (apart from the fact that I never want them to grow up). When they are small they are full of immediate demands for food, entertainment, cuddles, nappy changes etc. Sometimes sheer exhaustion pushes out the longer term thoughts about what we want for our children when they grow up (sometimes it can be hard to think about what is for dinner).
To be honest I don't really care whether my kids are good at swimming (though I would like them to be). I kind of hope that they might be clean. I don't mind what sort of job they do once they leave school.
What I do want is for them to be caring, compassionate and kind. I want them to be strong and independent; brave when needed. I want them to be hard working and responsible I want my children to have a heart for serving others.
How do you teach your children these things? I can teach my children to tie their shoe laces, cook a meal, or write their name, and I can see straight away whether how well I have taught them. I am less sure how I can teach my kids to be kind and compassionate; to consider the needs of others as well as their own. There is no formula to follow, no instruction booklet. Hardest of all, the results are long term, and by the time we see them, it can be too late.
All I can do is my best. All I can do is model the kinds of attitudes and behaviours I want my children to learn. All I can do is pray that they will learn those things which are so important to me.
It is so hard to parent with a long term goal at times. The Little Princess might be cute as a 4 year old, running around the castle, demanding everything her way, but one day she will grow up. An adult who behaves like the little princess is not cute, just sad.
I would love some inspiration - what sort of things do you do to help instill your values in your children?
I think you've already hit the nail on the head and you're doing exactly what you need to do to help your children become the adults you'd like them to become. If you're modeling all the above then you're already teaching them!
ReplyDeleteHave I ever told you how much your header makes me long for country life. It is stunning!
Thanks Penny! The photo is of our house just before sunset in October. The light is always stunning at that time of year!
DeleteDitto - I want those things for my kids too, and some days they feel so far away! I think the best (and hardest) thing we can do to instill values in our kids is to be what we would like them to become. I struggle with that, but you know that thing about 'caught not taught'. So I aim to show kindness and compassion and selfless and hard-working with my kids and with others (both when kids are around and not). I also try to talk to them (though they are still little) about how their behaviour impacts on other people (e.g. not "that was naughty" but "do you think that was kind?")... Also, lots of prayer and hoping!
ReplyDeletei still dont know what i want to be when i grow up... but i do know i learnt my most important life lessons and qualities - along with a hefty dose of grace simply from my parents being themselves. And by the sounds of it, that is EXACTLY what you are doing xx
ReplyDelete#teamIBOT
Thanks for your encouragement Lyndal!
DeleteI think you're right Jo. The best way to teach is to set the example yourself. I've just noticed with my nearly 8 yo girl that not arguing with her, waiting for her to cool down and talking about things calmly is having a postive effect on her and the bad behaviour is not quite so prominent. My son, on the other hand, is gentle and kind and has a quick temper, like his Father and I'm still working on that one. Hopefully he'll learn by my example because I don't have a temper. It's a hard slog but eventually they'll go out and learn all about life themselves and we'll just have to be there to support their decisions and guide them.
ReplyDeleteAnne xx
I know that show well (although my little girl prefers bob the builder). Its a tough one! But I think kids learn most from watching their parents. They see and hear everything.. even when we don't think they're paying attention! As a mum I try my best to walk the talk so that I set a good example for my little ones.
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower from #IBOT x
Welcome Catherine! I think you are right when you say that setting a good example is important.
DeleteI try to parent 'long term' because really, they are little for so short a time.
ReplyDeleteI think modeling behaviour is key, but also explaining why. Why things are wrong or right morally gives kids import at information to make those judgements themselves I think.
Keeping that long term view is vital - but can be sooo hard at times
DeleteI try to teach by example. I may not get it right all the time but to me, manners is a big thing but can be overlooked. I just think "thank you's" and "please" and learning people's names are important yet can be taught when their still toddlers. Sometimes I think people forget about it. But, each to their own, I guess :)
ReplyDeletejust teach them the things you want them to know, but dont be disappointed when they dont use alot of things when you think they should. It comes to them naturally as they get older so by the time they reach 21 it will show thru.My children have surprised me with their attitudes and Im proud of them x
ReplyDeleteI am definitely ready to teach them how to get through their teens.. and not make the same mistakes I did... but I also want them to be independent and hopefully want to be someone who is respectful, honest and ambitious.
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