It's getting to that time of our experiment where we need to start thinking about next year and the future. It seems like hardly any time since we moved to the farm, and I am not really ready to even think about the future (nor do I want to think about moving house again either!), but time marches on.
Country Boy is truly in his element on the farm. He has a big garden to fiddle around in. There is loads of space, and not many people. He would happily stay here forever right now.
Toby and Meg also love it down here. Being younger, they don't really remember much of life in the mountains. They love to go out with Country Boy and 'help' around the farm. Having said that, when we visited my family last weekend, Meg was sad to leave her cousins and grandparents, and decided that she wanted to move back.
Hannah is more mixed in her thoughts. She misses the mountains terribly, and wants to go back. Not being a big one for change, she just wants her old life. At the same time she loves the space and freedom she has here, and doesn't want to get rid of the chickens and pigs.
I am more a mixed up too.
On one hand I love the space down here. I love seeing Country Boy and the kids so happy. I love that we are growing our own food, and that we are living the kind of life we have always wanted.
I know that I am living many peoples dream - they make tv shows about people doing this kind of thing for goodness sake!
The farm has been in the family for over 100 years. What happens if in 10 years time we don't want to live here anymore. We can't just sell it really can we?? I feel incredible pressure to make a decision to stay or go, but I can't make a decision for the rest of our lives right now. The thought of being so far from my family always, is really hard. I feel like if I stay I will end up being trapped here always.
Unlike Country Boy, I need to have friends or family near by. This year I have been quite lonely at times. Thank goodness for facebook which has kept me sane during these periods. But social media is not a substitute for real friends and family. CB 's parents are nearby, and I really appreciate their support, but I need some friends of my own. I know that this will take time, but it doesn't make it any easier right now.
While the kids are young it is an ideal environment for them, but as they get older I want them to have their eyes open and their goals high. I want them to see a big world. I'm not sure that they can see this in such a small town.
We are Christians, and I have always believed that God guides our every move. We have always seen that, when God wants something for us then it happens, and if God does not want something for us, then it will not happen. From the very beginning of this experiment things seemed to just fall into place before us. Now it seems that things are falling into place again. More likely than not we will stay for at least another year. We need have a big family discussion with Country Boy's parents and siblings about this. I really feel like this is what we are meant to do... but it doesn't mean that it is what I really want to do.